A call for help (the letter no one will read)

I'm 18, I know I haven't lived anything yet and have all my life in front of me. Yet, when I look around me, I see a decaying world and people suffering everywhere. Everyone I know, life has fucked them, no matter how they struggled. Everything they did was "right" and did everything they could to survive, but life has taken everything from them nonetheless.
I have no experience or bagage, as some call it. I see others experiences and bagages, and that makes me hopeless... If those who struggle with all they have can't make it, what chance has a dreamless girl?

When I read something meant to be inspirational or to give hope, I just get sad... I can't see no way out and no light at the end of this tunnel called life. Who is truly happy in this life? No one, and don't say you are. You may have some brief moments of happiness, but in general, no one is truly happy.
What's the definition of a good life? Basically, being able to have a house and support yourself and your family. If you're not, well, you're fucked. If you are, you'll get some other drama I bet, maybe just to feel pain - 'cause if you don't feel pain you don't feel happiness.

So here I am, spending money on college to end up working in a coffee shop - if I get that lucky. Looking at the world in its raw (not through the reflecting mirror like most do) and realizing how ugly it is. We live an ugly life in a ugly world to reach a perfect death. Why? I wonder, is it all worth it?

"Close my eyes and I will be okay"
(Goodbye My Friends - Sixx:A.M.)

Presence

One has to come to terms with one's own mortality.
You know, you can't really help people who are having problems with mortality if you've got problems of your own, so you have to begin to sort things out.
And I thought I had sorted things out until I saw this little excerpt from this book which said, I shall remember what it said:
"Life is not the opposite of death. Death is the opposite of birth. Life is eternal."
and I thought that was the most profound words I'd ever heard about that issue, and it really put me at peace.
I felt this wonderful stillness... and I thought "That's it!" what else is there to say? Heh.
Life is eternal, so the opposite of life is not death, but life is eternal, it has no opposite.
So what happens there is.. I suppose one just remains in a state of pure consciousness.
Stillness... silence... you know, what we're looking for now, we're searching for it, or we have been searching for it, and now we have come closer to it.
And it's knowing that it's already there, there's nothing to look for, nothing to seek, it's there.
And it's going to be there all the time, forevermore.

by Anathema